Aftermath
by bugsandroses
Summary: I recently saw "Grave Danger" again and this story came to me about what finally made Grissom and Sara decide to be together.


The ambulance carrying Nick Stokes slowly pulled away from the scene. The vehicle also held Warrick Brown and Catherine Willows who refused to leave his side. Gil Grissom eyes wearily scanned the site where Nick had nearly been buried alive. The remains of the fiberglass coffin Nick was buried in landed in chunks all around the gapping hole in the ground after the explosion. The air still smelled of dirt and explosives. Grissom closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Twice today he could have died in an explosion. Just now, his thoughts were not about himself but of Nick and just how close they came to losing him tonight.

Conrad Ecklie stood with the Sheriff and directed the collection of the coffin pieces and other evidence at the scene. Grissom shook his head at the waste of time. Walter Gordon, the man who had planned and executed the whole grisly plan, was dead. Grissom watched as the man explode before his own eyes less than 12 hours earlier. Taking another deep breath Grissom walked towards Ecklie, wanting to tell him not to bother collecting any evidence. When he finally spoke to the new Las Vegas Lab Director, all he said to Conrad and the Sheriff was, "I want my guys back."

Without waiting for a response, Grissom started to walk back to his Denali very slowly. It was a long walk and nearly pitch black in and among the rows of growing plants, tress and scrubs of the nursery. Gil Grissom found his way without using his flashlight. As he approached his van, Grissom reached for the door handle but never opened it. Instead, he rested his forehead against the cool glass and his hand slowly slipped from the handle. After a minute or two, he turned and leaned back against the van door to look up at the stars overhead.

He seemed unaware that Sara Sidle had followed him. She watched Grissom from a discreet distance as he continued stargazing. She had been hovering around him all afternoon. Ever since Jim Brass called the lab from Nick's ransom drop to say there had been an explosion. Sara's heart skipped several beats when she arrived to see Grissom covered in blood sitting in the back of an ambulance. The paramedics quickly assured her that the blood wasn't his. Grissom had only received a few minor flash burns from being so close to Walter Gordon when the bomb vest the man was wearing detonanted. The paramedics tried unsuccessfully to talk their reluctant patient into going with them to the hospital to be checked out more thoroughly. Sara knew Grissom would never do that, the man hated hospitals with a passion.

After several minutes, Sara moved closer and called his name softly but got no response. She was worried that perhaps Grissom couldn't hear her. Two explosions in one day could affect anyone's hearing. Sara also knew about the rumors on the lab's gossip grapevine that Grissom had undergone some kind of surgery for his hearing not that long ago. She stepped closer to stand beside him but it appeared that Grissom's eyes and mind were totally focused on the stars above. Concerned, Sara gently touched his arm which felt very tense under her hand.

"Are you OK?"

Grissom did not appear to be startled by the touch or her voice. "He apologized to me. Nick thought he might have let me down. Buried alive and he was worried that I might be disappointed in him." Grissom slowly shook his head.

Sara was confused by what he said. They had all watched Nick lying in his coffin on the lab's computer screen. He was speaking into a tape recorder but they could not hear him. How could Grissom possibly know what Nick had been saying? Sara started to ask him but turning she was stunned to see his chest heave and a tear start to roll down his cheek.

Sara reached out a finger to capture the tear but Grissom gripped her fingers before they could touch his face. He turned to her, his eyed filled with pain. "I never told Nick that I was proud of him. It was such a small thing and very well deserved. It was all he ever wanted to hear from me but I never said it. I've never said I was proud of Rick or of Greg…or you. You most of all, Sara!"

His other hand rose as if to cup her cheek but never finished the journey. Grissom looked ghostly pale in the moonlight and utterly defeated as both his hands fell to his side. "You told me that one day I would be too late, Sara. Today could have been that day!" He stopped for a moment. "Ever notice how history always seems to repeat itself? When I worked for Philip Gerard years ago in Minnesota; I swore I would never be like him. He was a brilliant man but self-centered and often cruel, a harsh taskmaster and always critical. In the three years I worked for him, I never heard one word of thanks or that I had done good work. I promised myself that if I ever had a team of my own, I would never do that to anyone who worked for me….another promise to myself broken."

"Grissom, you are nothing like him and it's not too late. Nick is OK! You found him. You got him out alive. Let's go to the hospital. You can tell him now."

"You found him, Sara. You found that maniac's daughter and discovered this nursery. You were always my best student, the very best. There is nothing more I can teach you. I have nothing more to give…"

"That's not true." Sara gently touched his cheek. This time he did look up startled as she gently rubbed his cheek with her thumb. "You have dirt on your face." Sara smiled sadly remembering the last time she had caressed his face. That time she used the excuse that he had chalk dust on his face. Suddenly tired of needing an excuse, she took a step closer and wrapped her arms around him.

For one interminably long moment, the hug was very one sided. Slowly Grissom's arms rose to engulf her tall, lithe form and press her to him. "It could have been you, Sara!"

"It could have been any of us…poor Nick."

"No you don't understand." He looked at her and this time did caress her face. "I could have lost you, Sara. I've wanted to tell you…you always think there will be time." Unable to continue Grissom pulled her against him again and tightened his arms around her. Sara happily stayed nestled in his arms for a minute or two.

"Nick survived. Trust me Griss, I would have too. We found him. You would have found me. Only I would have shot out that damned light a lot sooner than Nick did!"

"Just the light?"

Sara immediately pushed away from Grissom.

"I am not a drunk and I do not have a death wish. I don't care what Brass told you."

"I know that, Sara. You have to admit patience is not a virtue you have in abundance."

"You think I would have lost it trapped in there."

"Nick did, more than once! When we finally found him and Warrick was wiping the last of the dirt from the coffin top, Nick had his gun pressed against his chin."

"No! Not Nick."

"Why would I lie to you, Sara? I think anyone would have seriously considered it."

"You wouldn't!"

"How can you be so sure?" Grissom took a step back from her. "I don't know what I would have done."

"I do, I know you."

Grissom closed his eyes, trying to find the just right words for once. "Sara, you above all people should know I am not perfect, nowhere even close. I have over twenty years of experience on all of you. Those years have taught me patience."

"Yeah I know, when you want to go fast, go slow."

"Sara, I've learned there is always more than one way to solve any puzzle or find an answer. Besides, I've already had a life."

"So what? That's it! You would have relaxed in the coffin, calmly thinking of ways to solve the puzzle until you ran out of air, drifted into sleep and died. No muss, no fuss and your damned dignity remains intact."

Turning from her, Grissom said more to himself than her. "I sometimes wonder if anyone would even notice or care."

Stopping him with a hand on his arm. "I'd care."

Grissom managed a small smile at her, as he continued to walk away. "Goodnight, Sara."

"I need a ride home or at least back to the lab. I came with you, remember?"

"Of course, I'm sorry." Grissom walked around to open the van door for her, automatically reaching for her arm to help her in. Grissom suddenly noticed that Sara was only wearing a thin shirt under her CSI vest. "Sara, you're cold. Here, take my extra jacket." He reached in to retrieve it and helped her put it on. Sara turned in his arms.

"Thanks." His eyes locked on her face with the same intensity as his earlier scan of the stars. Grissom's eyes slowly focused on her generous mouth taking a step closer. Sara leaned further into him, her lips now inches away from his.

"Sara no, we can't! Not here and especially not right now. Everything about tonight is too intense, so confusing. My feelings are making no sense right now. The last thing I want to do is use you, to hurt you any more than I already have. You haven't had a very happy life so far and you deserve someone younger...better than me, someone that can give you all the care and love you deserve."

"Damned nice of you to decide that for me, Griss. What if I don't want anyone else?"

"You are so young, Sara…so beautiful. Let me call Brass, he can get you a ride home."

"You won't even drive me? Don't you trust me to behave myself?"

"I trust you, Sara. It's myself I'm not too sure of at this moment."

"Really?" Sara reached to touch his face but Grissom grabbed her hand in his.

"You don't understand, Sara. I'm not unwilling, uncomfortable or afraid to touch you, kiss you…to make love to you, if you are sure that's what you want."

"I think I've been way too obvious about what I want. If you want me too, why did you stop me? I'm confused, Grissom. I look in your eyes and I feel that you want me but then you always push me away."

"I've wanted and needed you for so long ,Sara, so very long…but not just to see what happens. Once we were together, I'm not sure I could ever let you go."

"What if I don't want you to ever let me go?"

"You can't know that, not at this moment. Even if I can make you happy now, what happens in five or ten years from now."

"I don't know. Do you want me to lie? I can't make promises about years from now."

"Exactly, you are still growing and changing, I'm not. Sara, if we were ever together, living together, I don't think I could survive being alone again after you go."

"After I go? So you assume it will be me that walks away. What happens if you get an opportunity too good to pass up and have to leave me behind? Or worse you just get bored and move on. If you leave me, then what do I do? My heart is on the line too. It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. You were the one who said Shakespeare knew everything, Grissom."

"I'd never leave you, Sara, at least not willingly but I am almost twenty years older than you. If I were gone, you'd cry, recover and get on with your life. You still have so much time."

"That's crap and you know it. You're not exactly Methuselah and a broken heart hurts at any age. I'm willing to risk it. Are you?"

"That, Ms. Sidle, is the bottom line. I told you once I don't know what to do about this." Pointing between himself and Sara. "Time has passed but I still don't have that answer...I am being pulled back and forth like a rope in a tug of war. Supervisor Grissom is afraid to loose his best CSI. As Gil Grissom, I do care for you, Sara. I have been attracted to you since the moment I first saw you, almost ten years ago. I don't want to loose what I have with you now, strained and difficult as it is sometimes, just because I selfishly want more."

"What I feel between us is so strong. I think it can work, make Supervisor Grissom and Gil Grissom both happy…maybe I'm wrong but I want to try."

"Maybe I'm just a coward, Sara. Come on, I'll drive you home."

Neither spoke on the drive to her apartment. When they arrived Grissom did not get out. Sara walked around to the driver's side. She removed his jacket to return it. "Thank you. Would you like to come in for a drink or some wine?" He did not answer so she continued. "I'm so tired but I don't think I can close my eyes. I know I'll need something stronger than tea to try to get tonight's images of out of my mind...or at least long enough to get some sleep." Sara shuddered.

"It's dawn, a brand new day. Thank God last night is finally over. Sleep well, Sara."

"Don't go, please! Take a leap of faith, Grissom." She held out her hand to him.

"I have more care to stay, than will to go." Getting out he took her hand.

"More Shakespeare? Or are you surrendering to the inevitable?"

"Both, neither, I don't know. I just would like a drink. OK?"

"Absolutely!" Sara wasn't sure why he agreed to stay but she was happy not to be alone right now, not after last night. Maybe he just didn't want to be alone either. "I have a small stash of nips or would you like a glass of merlot?"

"I'll take a scotch or bourbon, if you have one."

Handing him the nip with a glass of ice. She sat beside him with a half glass of Merlot.

"To you, Sara! You saved Nicky tonight."

"No! To Nick, he survived and beat that madman. I hope he'll be OK"

"I hope so too." They clinked glasses and drank, lost in their own thoughts and memories of Nick.

Sara slowly leaned against Grissom's shoulder. Once her glass was empty, she put it down and reached for his hand. He enjoyed the weight of her against him, the connection to her; which for once he didn't analyze, question or over-think. However, Grissom's musing and happy memories of Nick came to an abruptly halt when he remembered seeing his friend in the coffin on the lab's computer screen. Nick was speaking into the small tape recorder Walter Gordon had left inside with his message of hate and death, apologizing to his boss.

Needing something else to think about,Grissom turned to look at Sara, her breathing had slowed and the weight of her body against his shoulder had slowly increased. Grissom smiled when he realized that Sara was asleep. His own eyes started to close against his will. Unwilling to wake Sara by moving, he decided to rest his eyes for a minute or two and almost instantly joined her in sleep. Less than an hour later he was jolted awake by Sara, who woke screaming.

"NO!" Sara gulps in air. "Coffin!"

"Sara, it was a bad dream. You're safe, Nicky is safe."

"No, in the coffin. It was you. We were too late. Oh God!" Sara started to cry.

"Sara, I am alive. Here feel my hand. I'm touching you, holding your hand. It wasn't real. Come here." He pulled Sara into his lap. "SHHHHH! Don't cry Sara, please."

"Hold me!"

"I am holding you."

"Don't let go, please. Don't leave."

"I am not going anywhere. I won't let you go." After a few minutes she stopped shaking.

"I'm sorry, I feel like fool."

"Everyone has bad dreams sometimes, Sara."

"Crying like a little baby, it's embarrassing."

"After yesterday, you are allowed. I'd be surprised if you didn't. Try to close your eyes."

"No! I don't want to sleep."

Pulling a blanket from the back of her couch. "OK! Are you warm enough?"

Sara nodded and snuggled closer against him, showing no signs of moving. "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything...no about you. I know you were born in Chicago but grew up in Southern California." She stopped when he looked at her very puzzled. "That information is on the author page of all your books, Dr. Grissom. It also says your degrees are from UCLA and Harvard. Now tell me the rest."

"The rest of what? You want me to tell you a story, my life story?"

"I met you nearly ten years ago in San Francisco. I know you are a great teacher and someone I respect and trust but other than that I know nothing personal about you. Are your parents still alive? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"What do I want to be when I grow up?" Grissom smirked at her tenacity.

"OK, we can start there. You've been in Vegas since you left teaching and lecturing. Working at the lab? Is that really what you want to do for the rest of your life?"

"I don't know…really, Sara, I'm not being difficult or evasive. I never planned to stay in Vegas this long. I came to consult on some cases and just never left. Little by little this became my home. I found I enjoyed teaching new CSI agents because I had a great teacher. Our job is challenging and there is always something new to learn…but it can be isolating; especially for us because we work on the night shift. I work all night, have dinner at 10 or 11 AM and try to go to bed by 2PM. That doesn't leave much time for anything else. That's why I feel so close to you, my whole team. You are the only family that I'll ever have. I've screwed up the few relationships I've had in the past. I can't tell you how many times I've ruined a lovely evening when I tell my date what I do for a living. Once a woman excused herself in the middle of dinner and just never came back."

Sara chuckled and nodded having had similar reactions from most of the men she dated. They either treated her like one of the boys or were intimidated by her intelligence, police training or job description. "Well at least you can do other things, teach, write or lecture. Not too many other things I can do with my lowly physics degrees."

"Well then, what do you want to be when you grow up, Sara?"

She was tempted to punch Grissom for that remark but wanted him to keep talking. "To get a good job in physics these days you really need a doctorate…ten years ago I was broke. I left grad school to make some money. That's why I took that job at the San Francisco Lab. I was planning to go back to school when I'd saved enough." Sara turned to look at him. "A few years ago I was seriously thinking it was time to go back to school. Then I got this call from a friend. He needed my help. So I quit my job, threw almost everything I owned into storage and was on a plane the very next day to Las Vegas to help him."

"And I never thanked you for coming or for staying here. I'm sorry, Sara. I know I'm not good with people. I forget to look up from microscope, so Catherine says…but I do thank you. I can't even imagine what these last few years would have been like without you here. You're always there for me. I wish I could I could say the same. I haven't been there for you."

"You were there when I needed you most: Kay Shelton's case, my DUI, when they tried to fire me and tonight…."

"Somehow that equation doesn't sound very equal. I will try to do better, with all of you."

"How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Answer a personal question and yet reveal nothing personal?"

"Years of practice. I'm not used to sharing my life with anyone."

"Why?"

"I…don't know, it's just a force of habit now. "

"I trust you, Grissom, not only with my life but with all the deep dark secrets I've shared. Do you trust me?"

"With my life, absolutely!"

"That's not exactly what I asked you? You know anything you tell me, I'd never share."

"Thank you but there are no deep dark secrets to reveal in my case. I am my work, Sara, bugs and bodies."

"The others might believe that but I don't. Someone hurt you. That's why you don't trust anyone anymore."

"I do trust you. I'll tell you anything you want to know…it's just not all that interesting."

"God, it's like pulling teeth. OK, we'll try twenty questions. Name, full name please?"

"Gilbert Grissom"

"No middle name?"

"Nope"

"Birth date?"

"8/17/56"

"Parents names?"

"Edward Grissom and Victoria Wentworth."

"Are they still alive?"

"My dad died when I was 9. My mom is 75 and very much alive. She runs an art gallery in Venice California with her sister, my Aunt Carol."

"Any brothers or sisters?"

"No!"

"No other family?"

"None. My dad was an only child and my Aunt Carol lost her husband in the Korean War. She never remarried or had kids."

"Where did you go to school?"

"After my dad died we moved to Venice, moved in with my Aunt Carol. I was ten. I grew up on the beaches of southern California and went to public schools in the area."

"I'll bet you were a beach bum, or maybe a surfer dude.

"Hardly! I think you have me confused with Greg Sanders. I was just a normal kid."

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?"

I don't know. I just got through school a little faster than most kids. I graduated high school at 16 and UCLA at 20. I was the youngest Assistant Coroner in Marin County."

"Wow! I am impressed, Grissom. No not about the job, just that you answered all my questions. That wasn't so hard, was it?

"No and that counts as a question, Sara. You have 10 left."

"Smartass!"

"Yes I am, now you have nine."

"That wasn't a question, just an editorial comment. I have eleven left."

"Maybe!"

"God Grissom, you are so aggravating sometimes! I can almost picture you as a little boy fascinated with bugs. How in the world did you go from bugs to forensics?"

"I was and still am fascinated with bugs, they are perfect. Sara the two are linked. How often are their bugs on a body when we are called? Bugs can often tell us more than just the body alone about what happened and especially when it happened at a crime scene."

"That doesn't answer the question."

"I …when I was younger, I did autopsies on animals for the sheriff's office in Venice. I once toyed with the idea of becoming a vet. You have to remember this was the late 60's and forensics didn't really exist yet. I went to high school and college taking every science class they offered. I was often called to crime scenes with a lot of insects…

"And a forensic entomologist is born."

"More or less, yes."

"How did you learn sign language?"

"I guess all the easy questions are done."

"Please? Don't stop now."

"My mother started to loose her hearing just before my dad died. She was totally deaf before I graduated high school. We learned to sign together."

"Why did she loose her hearing?"

"Otosclerosis…it's a"

"…degenerative disease of the inner ear and hereditary."

"I always forget you were also taking pre-med courses when we first met."

"So you have it, too? That's why you were having problems hearing last year?"

"You knew?"

"It was pretty hard not to notice, especially at the Havilland Trial. Why didn't you tell me? Tell any of us? I figured you'd at least tell Catherine. Were you ashamed?"

"God No, Sara! I was in total denial. I didn't want to admit it was real because if the surgery failed I could never work again…my life as I knew it would be over."

"Not over by a long shot, Grissom. So, you had the surgery to repair the damage when you took that month off last year? And everything is OK now?"

"Yes! The damage was repaired and I only lost about 10 to 15 percent of my hearing, mostly the very lowest tones. Luckily my hearing still meets department standards. When Ecklie tried to get me fired, he couldn't. Even with my hearing as bad as it was before surgery, I was still able to testify in court and Tom Havilland went to jail."

"You were reading Marjorie Wescott's lips at his trial, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was. My hearing kept cutting in and out that entire case. That's one of the many reasons that made me finally decide to go in for the surgery."

"So all the times I though you were ignoring me...you couldn't hear me! You grew the beard when you were healing because it hurt to shave?" Sara gently stroked his face.

"Yes, originally and then I just kept it."

"To hide behind?"

"Not intentionally. That's twenty questions, Sara. Is it my turn now?"

"One more. Your hearing, is that why you said no when I asked you out to dinner?"

"For the most part, yes."

"What's the other part?"

For the first time Grissom did not immediately answer her question. In fact he avoided the question and her eyes. "Sara, you need to get some sleep…you will have to move so I can get up now."

"Not a chance, I have you where I want you, Grissom."

"Sara, don't…this isn't a game! There are a hundred good reasons why we can't become involved. Most important...one of us could loose our job. You know the rules."

"For someone who never really wanted your job, you seem awfully concerned with keeping it."

"It's not me I'm worried about." He looked at her eyes flashing brown sparks of anger and quickly changed the tone of his voice. "I told you before, I can't loose my best CSI."

"I'm not talking to Supervisor Grissom just now, tell him to be quiet. What about you, Gil?"

Grissom closed his eyes, thrilled to hear his first name come so easily from Sara's lips. It sounded good and so right. Opening his eyes he could see her face so close to his and see her coffee brown eyes swimming with unshed tears. "I can't loose you either, Sara."

He could feel his lips draw closer to hers and for once had no desire to stop the journey. The first touch was fleeting, barely a brush of his lips on hers. The jolt her lips on his created made him feel more alive than he'd felt in years. He leaned in again. His lips pressed hers a little harder for a little longer but instead of relief the second kiss made it hurt to pull away from her. So Grissom allowed himself a third kiss. He had imagined kissing Sara many times. His imagination paled in comparison to the reality of Sara's lips molded to his, so soft, warm and willing. They made it almost impossible to keep his hunger for more in check. When he finally pulled back to look at her, Sara's eyes were closed but her lips were a little swollen but ready and waiting for more and Grissom wanted more.

He gripped her chin. "Sara, open your eyes!" When she did, he let go of her chin. "This isn't a dream. I am real. This is real! Are you sure you want this? That you want me? I am an aging, emotionally unavailable, bug obsessed, workaholic! You could have any man you want. Hank was a fool. What about David, Nick, Rick and Greg? Those are just some of the men at the lab who would jump at the chance to date you. I'm sure other officers and paramedics have asked you out. I've seen how they all look at you. How can I compete? Why me, Sara?" Grissom started to look away.

Sara framed his face with her hands and made him look at her again. "Yes, I want you. This is not some silly schoolgirl crush. I've wanted this from the minute I saw you at that very first lecture. You may not believe in love at first sight but I do…because of you. You give me everything, Gil. You gave me my career. I love my job and working with you. We are a good team but I can be stubborn, impatient and argumentative…I could ask you the same question. Why me? I'm not pretty, way too skinny and I don't exactly shine in social situations…and I ramble when I'm nervous. You know that I'm scarred emotionally and physically. I've seen some of the women that wanted you: Terri Miller, Dr. Gilbert, Lady Heather, Sophia and Catherine. How can I compete? Why me?"

"I've never dated any of those women and Catherine is just a friend. Oh God, Sara! You are more than pretty. You are beautiful, so beautiful. You have been in my mind and heart since that first day we met too."

"You seem so comfortable around other women, especially Catherine but not me. I get jealous sometimes and then I remember I have no right to be."

"I always seem to say or do the wrong thing around you, Sara. I…that day you asked me out. I wanted to say yes but all I could think about was my surgery. If it didn't work, I wouldn't want you to be stuck with me, forced to stay with me out of guilt or worse out of pity. Later, when Brass called me about your DUI…all I could think about then and now is what if I had lost you, Sara? I worry about you all the time. All the hurt and pain from your past or that you'll get hurt or burn out and leave me." He kissed her very gently. "Sara. I can't loose you but sometimes I want you so much it scares me. Then I say or do stupid things. I have to step back from you or just walk away. When you are close to me, I can't always think clearly. That's is why we haven't been working together very much lately."

Sara shook her head and smiled sadly, then gently kissed him. "I always talk too much when I'm around you. I never should have told you about…me and my family."

"No, I'm glad you did. I wanted to know, to understand you because I want this too, Sara...but our actions will have consequences. If we are together, we will have to hide it or everything will change. When they discover this, you or I will have to work on different shifts...that is if we don't loose our jobs. That is a real possibility!"

"They won't fire you, Gil, me maybe. Trust me, it would never happen. I don't care if we keep this…us a secret. We both are very private people. I'm just not sure how long we can keep the secret from everyone. From Ecklie, probably forever but Jim is a detective and you trained Cath, Rick and Nick."

"I want to be clear on this, I don't want to sneak around. I would never do that to you. You deserve so much more than what I can offer you, Sara, you deserve the very best. Why you chose me, I don't think I'll ever understand but I do thank you. I would be proud to let everyone that you chose me and that we are in a relationship but eventually someone would let the information slip or rumors would get back to…."

"Ecklie…I know! He hates me too and would love to do anything to hurt you. So we'll have a wonderful secret to share, just the two of us. You are so worth it, Gil."

"Sara."

She stopped him by placing her finger on his lips and then began to kiss and nibble on his lips, then his ears and neck. "No more discussion, at least for now, Dr. Grissom."

"I quite agree, Ms. Sidle but what I was about to request is that you move your cute little tush." At her look of surprise and confusion he continued. "I've wanted this for a such a long time, Sara and I love having you so close but holding you in my lap is becoming somewhat…uncomfortable."

Sara's looked puzzled for a moment, then smiled and blushed adorably. "Oh, sorry!" In a move that even a dancer like Catherine would be hard pressed to execute, Sara leaned back as one of her legs rose, crossed in front of him and then settled on the couch on the other side of Grissom so she sat on his knees facing him fully. His eyebrows rose is a surprise and admiration. "Yoga and very long legs. Is that better?"

"Much better!" Smiling he pulled her closer to him and returned eagerly to her lips. He explored every inch of her very full lips, then kissed over to her tiny ears and her oh so tender neck. Sara reached to unbutton her blouse, wanting to remove any obstacles in his path, only to find his hand already there. Grissom stopped his journey momentarily. "It has been a while for me, Sara but I'm pretty sure I remember where everything is."

Whatever Sara was going to say next was quickly lost as she felt her bra open. Gentle hands push the filmy lace away as his very warms lips continued their journey. Grissom stopped when she gasped. "Never worry Gil, you haven't lost your touch." He was smiling at Sara's flushed face and silly grin until she lowered her lips to his. What began as gentle explorations very quickly became passion raging out of control. All the years of pain, desire, need and frustration erupted in a driving force to finally show the other personexactly how much they were wanted and loved. Sara's fingers quickly unbuttoned his shirt and all but ripped the material from his shoulders. The feel of his white-hot skin pressed against her barely covered breasts added more fuel to the fire.

Grissom had been with many women over the years. He felt confident in his ability to please Sara. It had also been many years since he had felt anything more than a passing attraction to a woman or the need for more than a momentary release of sexual tension. His pulse was racing and his heart pounded as Sara kissed her way down his neck and onto his chest. He could feel all his control slowly slipping away. Until he remembered that tonight was supposed to be about Sara, pleasing her, making her happy, letting her know how much he cared. He never planned to let things go this far. It had taken him so long to give in to his need to be with her and to get to this moment. Grissom refused to rush things now. He wanted and needed the luxury of time to explore all of Sara, learn what pleased her, excited her, made her happy. He gently cupped her face and guided her lips gently back to his.

Sara broke the kiss only when the need for air forced her to pull away. She gulped air and tried to lean into his lips again but Grissom stopped her. "Sara, Please! I don't want to rush this. Just having sex is not what this is about. I want to see what happens next. As they say, getting there is half the fun. I want to ask you out on a date, popcorn and movie maybe or perhaps you'd like a moonlit walk after having dinner. I wish to court you. You have been so patient with me up until now. I ask for your indulgence for just a little while longer. It wasn't my intention to seduce you...I apologize Sara, I didn't mean for things to get quite so out of control tonight but I want you so damned much."

Pulling her into a hug, he placed a few chaste kisses on Sara's forehead. He held her that way until his body and heart had calmed down a bit. "Sara, to keep this a secret, we will have to lie to our friends. Secrets are like walls built lie by lie until the wall becomes so high and so deep, it will cut us off from everyone. I'm used to being isolated but I don't want you to loose your friendship with Nick, Rick and Greg. It's a very high price to pay, maybe too high and not fair to you. So please take the time to really think about this before we go forward."

"I have thought about you and being together almost everyday for the last four years. You make feel alive and happy. You make me feel special, wanted and kind of loved."

"More than kind of loved. That's why I had to come in tonight. Almost losing Nick tonight made me really think. It could have been you. Tonight made me realize I don't want to wait anymore…Sara, am I too late?"

"No, not too late. Never too late, Gil!"

Pulling his shirt back on, he gently caressed her face. "Then there is no rush. When we are both sure and prepared, I want to get to know you Sara Sidle, totally and intimately."

Sara felt her face flush at his words and tone. Lost in thoughts of his promise, she was stunned to realize that he intended to leave. Grissom was the first man that put her heart and emotions before his own needs. It took a moment for her to realize what he was really saying. He was not willing to have casual sex. It was only then that Sara remembered she was no longer on the pill and had no protection. Having a child was one of the many things they needed to discuss. However, just now she was unwilling to let Grissom go. Sara wanted him to stay close, hold her all night. She was more than happy just to touch, hold and kiss him at last. She loved to run her fingers through the soft curls in his hair and stroke his beard. Yes, she was curious what it would be like to make love with him. However, sex with the few men in her past has been "highly overrated" and somewhat disappointing. She would wait until he was ready…until they both were ready.

"If I promised to behave myself, would you stay tonight and just hold me Gil, please?"

"I would very much like that. Sara."

She got up and reached for his hand leading him to her bedroom. Turning from him, Sara quickly pulled on an oversized football sleep shirt and discarded her shirt, bra, jeans and socks. Grissom looked away as she changed but only slipped off his shoes. Pulling down the covers she climbed into bed, moving over to the far side of the bed making room for him. Grissom pushed the covers back in place around Sara and stretched out beside her with his pants and shirt still on. Smiling at his chivalry, Sara reached to turn out the light and settled against him. Grissom's arm reached out to pull her back tightly against him. His hand remained around her waist, holding her possessively as they lay like spoons, fitting together perfectly.

"Thank you for staying, G'Nite."

"Goodnight, Sara. Sweet dreams!"


End file.
